Folks, this is an Ideological Underground exclusive.
The left wing in Israel has seen some hard times since 1977. Their studies indicated to them that if they had a socialist "oriental" type leader they would win big in the election. This way they could appeal to their own mass leadership and the undesirable, but necessary, Sephardic Jews.
But here was the problem: Obviously no normal Sephardic Jew would be embrace socialism, much less Labor, after the abuses hurled at them by the Labor elitists in Israel. So, in 1977 they began work on the Musty Plan.
Operation Musty involved a series of genetic experiments that would borrow various DNA strands from specific personalities that would culminate in a mutant creation that would be charismatic, embrace socialism, fight for workers, and posses eastern features.
I have attained the identities of the people Israel stole DNA from to create the Musty one.
Subject #1: Stalin
Scientists managed to get some of this precious DNA from a secret shrine that Shomer Ha'tzair still keeps to the man of steal. Apparently they worship his blood or something. Why old Staly you ask? Stalin had charisma, big balls, and was totally evil in the way a Labor party leader has to be. Its a fact the Ben Gurion worshipped Stalin by sacrificing Jewish Yemenite babies to him over an alter made from the bones of dead Irgun members.
Subject# 2: Yishwan the Gypsy
You probably don’t know this but old Yishwan was the Mapai's number one assassin. Just look into his eyes...Anyway Yishwan was frightening and also evil. BG loved Yishwan, there are rumors that BG actually fathered Yishwan but was too embarrassed by his dark complexion to be seen with him in public. No one knows what happened to Yishwan. His gypsy cunning and genetic bond with BG made him a shoe in for Project X.
Subject #3: Saddam Hussein
Saddam had the exact look that project Musty needed and he is totally evil, in a bitch arab kind of way. Carrying on, the french provided Iraq with a nuclear reactor, which Israel destroyed in the early 80'2. Everyone knows that. But what most people don’t now is that super Israeli Spies were able to swab Jacque Chirac's lips only moments after making out with Saddam Hussein’s ass in the late 1970's, thereby attaining Saddam's DNA.
Yes, Hussein and Chirac were lovers, just take a look at this picture of the young couple and notice how they can hardly resist holding hands:
Subject #4: Burt Reynolds
Why Burt Reynolds? Well, back when Operation Musty began Burt was actually...cool. Plus he had the look. The Labor elite thought that having a cool leader with the kind of edge Burt had in deliverance would make for mass appeal. But in an extremely humorous twist of fate Burt quickly became uncool and just ended up giving Musty a kind of shitty cheap actor feel.
Subject# 5: Super Mario
Need I say more?
And with that I give you the finished product, Mustachio (Aka Musty) the Sephardic Socialist:
My Journalism rules.