Monday, March 03, 2008

The Israeli news obsession

I’m sick of the Israeli news obsession.

Every hour on the hour Israeli radio breaks for a news update, which 9 times out of ten is identical to the previous 10 hours of news. Yet lo and behold, no matter where you are as soon as the broadcast begins every last Israeli stops and listens intently with a deliberately strained concentration projected from their concerned faces.

It makes me sick.

If you’re in an Israeli friends car or cab the driver will turn up the sound to their highest audible threshold and give you a loud SHHHH if you're not quiet enough for them to consume their tenth helping of news that day. Same thing goes in the Makolet, the car mechanic, or the Steakia.

Half the time the news is about complete and utter bullshit:

“Madonna is in town (she likes Kabala, which is Jewish so that means she must like us, yay!)…Leo is in town (he is dating an Israeli, which means he must like us and our country, yay!)…Israel didn’t make it to Eurovision (Europe hates us, oh no! What will we do?)…The Oscar awards were given out last night (Beaufort didn’t win, oh well, at least we made it to the big house of our gentile master)…”

[Israelis care entirely too much about ridiculous pop culture. It is sickening.]


“Terrorists killed Jews today (Again!)…Rockets “landed” (or exploded) in Sderot (they are never fired or shot a us from an enemy determined to kill us)…Olmert is under investigation…(big F**king surprise)…”

[Same shit different day]

Often times I’ll tell the person I’m with exactly what the news announcer is going to say verbatim just before the broadcast starts so that I wont have to endure this tortuous experience yet again—but it never works.

So I ask why, why must you listen to the same news 20 times in a row?

The answer:

“Because in this country you never know what’s going to happen minute to minute, we could be at war before you know it.”

To this I ask:

Have you ever voted for any Israeli party or Prime minister (for those few years when it was separate and the illusion of choice was more pronounced) that supported talks with Arabs, or the Oslo process, or one that supported withdrawals and beatings of right wing activists, or one who wanted to disengage Jews from their homes?

If yes then I say:

“Oh yeah, then F**k you, you earned this bad news you sanctimonious son of a b**ch!

If they say no:

F**k them anyway, anyone who is stupid enough to get their news from the army censored, highly sanitized, non threatening Israeli radio broadcasts is a worthless human being who should not be allowed the option to vote in the first place.

There is absolutely no reason to consume any of the Israeli broadcasted or printed media other than to learn just how badly we are doing. It is an utter joke. Moreover, the deliberate concentration Israelis pay to their radio broadcasts is something I find incredibly amusing. If they only took voting as seriously as they take these stupid excuses for information then this country might look a little bit different.

BTW—And, if you listen to Israeli news then F**K you too! You’re a worthless scumbag.

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